Home Alone

My wife and I just moved. We’ve been living out of boxes ever since we arrived 6 weeks ago. In fact, for the last 4 weeks, it’s just been me at home. She’s in another state trying to prepare our house for renting out so I am left here taking care of the house trying to keep up with all the work I need to do.

I usually make breakfast for myself on my way to work. In our previous house, it was a homemade sausage, egg, and English muffin breakfast sandwich. $1.50 in materials and 2 minutes to make. Unfortunately, I haven’t found a store here that carries the egg patties. Worse, I haven’t found the toaster, so I have been eating the English muffins without toasting them.

Not cooking English muffins has worked so far, but the last few days my stomach has started to churn. So much so that just the thought of untoasted muffins makes my tummy tumble.

It’s 9 am and I want toast. But I have to find the toaster first. I’ve been looking for this stupid thing for weeks and haven’t found it. I have no idea where it could be.

Everything is in plastic totes. Half of them are transparent and the other half are opaque. I know it has to be in an opaque one, but few of them are labeled, and half of the labels lie. So it’s time for me to just suck it up and start looking at each and every bin.

I churn through tote after tote.

Nothing.

More totes.

Still nothing.

My arms start to ache from lifting so much.

Ooooo. I found the pots and pans. But no toaster!

Pyrex! But no toaster.

The box holding my old toaster (not the one I am looking for) is buried in the far corner of the room. Maybe I could reach it but find the correct toaster in the process.

I’m not making enough progress. Especially since I have an empty stomach. I don’t have milk for the cereal and I am not going to eat it dry or with water. I don’t want to go to the store. And I don’t want to eat a sausage patty without the muffin.

Bleh.

I’ve churned through half of the opaque totes and it is now 10 am. I guess I will do a recycling run.

So I flatten all the cardboard boxes that have been piling up the last few weeks. Then I notice one more sitting in a tote in the kitchen. I lift it up and as I turn aware I notice a white boxy object inside a transparent but misty plastic bag.

No. That can’t be it.

I pick up the bag, look inside, and sure enough!

Newman!

It’s been under my nose all 6 weeks?

Even when I’m alone I’m embarrassing.