Sweet Assurances

I was on my way home from work today when my wife called. I had just gotten on the shuttle bus and was on my way to a drop-off point where I would transfer to another station.

We talked for a while about how our day was going. In the mean time the bus stopped at a midpoint and several passengers disembarked.

As the shuttle got moving again, my wife and I got into a discussion about how much we love each other. Many days, regardless of how well or poorly the day went, we just can’t wait to see each other again.

Along the way she transitioned the conversation and asked me what I wanted for dinner.

“Something sweet.”

“We could get some Twinkies or some ding-dongs.”

I wanted kisses, but wanted to couch the term in a cutesy way. So, I scrambled for a word or phrase that would fit.

“I just want you to give me some sugar.”

“BABE!”

“What?!? All I meant was that I wanted some kisses.”

“You’re on a public bus and said that?”

What on earth did I say? What sort of meaning had I just conveyed to all ears around me? Would I be able to get on the bus with them tomorrow at the same time? Would they try and avoid me from now on? I just got some sexual harassment training from the company, could this constitute sexual harassment?

I had tried to keep the conversation clean enough that people who heard it would just think, “Awe. That’s sweet.” I had seen the old movie “Army of Darkness“ on TV where Bruce Campbell used that phrase and then kissed the female lead. I had heard it in other movies and TV shows, and only with kissing. Had I misinterpreted? Was something cut out of those shows? Is this like believing “LOL” stands for “Lots of Love” and using it to send condolences to a grieving friend?

I waited for the other passengers to leave the bus and then slinked away from that bus, far down the road toward where I needed to catch the next ride, glad that the passengers in front of me didn’t turn around so that they could identify me in the future.

My wife still won’t tell me what I said, and a quick search on the interwebs tells me that it just means kisses. But I’m scared to try and find the real meaning.