Costco Condiments

I walk back from the soda machines with two root beers and set them down next to our other food. My wife then says to me, "Do you want to take out your hotdog...?"

I cut her off. "So I can condomize it?" My wife's eyes widen. "Er, cond-i-ment-ize it?

"Yeah, so you can condomize it." She chuckles. "That's right up there with your 'banana hammock' story."

And I thought I was doing so well...

What is that Wonderful New Scent You've Discovered?

I emerged from the bathroom after trying out a new flavor of Listerine and sat down next to my wife.

She promptly asked, ”Did you put on Bengay?”

I responded, a little incredulously, ”I used that new Listerine.”

She then, matter-of-factly stated, ”No kisses for you. Your mouth smells like Bengay.”

Note to self: no more listerine.

TMI Hotdogs

No. It isn’t what you think.

I was at Costco the other day. I finished up shopping a little before the store was shutting down. I hadn’t eaten anything for dinner, so I decided to stop by the food court.

When I approached the counter, the attendant asked for my order, and I said

“One hotdog, please.”

Getting Ahead

I am preparing for my graduation ceremony in a few months. As part of getting ready I have to order a cap and gown. As you may have noticed, not every head is the same size. So I needed to measure the size of my head so that I can get a cap that fits.

The company supplying the cap and gown provided a PDF document which has a printable head-measurer. So I printed out the tape measure, taped together the pieces, and then went to the bathroom so I could measure my head in front of the mirror.

While standing in front of the mirror a couple other men came into the bathroom and gave me quirky looks as they saw me standing there wrapping a strap of paper around my head.

Serves me right for measuring my head at work.

Promises Kept

When I proposed to my wife, I asked her what I could do for her so she would know I love her. She responded by asking me to give her flowers at least once each month.  Doesn't need to be lavish, but it would let her know I was constantly thinking of her.

For the last 1.8 years, I have done exactly that. I even ordered a bouquet when she and I were apart for more than a month.

But lately, our finances have been tight, and we can’t spend any extra money. And every day I can’t get her flowers I feel more guilty.

So I did the next best thing.

Snowed In

I’ve been at my job for nearly 6 months, and just last week I got a meeting invitation from my boss’ boss. Time for my mid-year review! I really wanted to have this meeting to be able to talk about how I was doing and to find out what I can do to provide more value.

I gladly accepted the meeting invitation.  The upcoming discussion has constantly been on my mind for the last week and a half.

Hailing from the Greatest Snow on Earth, I wasn't too concerned that Monday, the trees out back looked like this:

All Dressed Up…

A little after noon on Sunday, I realized that my wife and I needed to prepare for church. I tepidly entered the room to wake her from her nap knowing that she needed the sleep but that we should also get going.

We scrambled to get dressed. I glanced out the window and noticed a few inches of snow on the ground. This was going to be a beautiful day.

My wife threw on a black dress and zebra-print sweater, while I donned a black suit with a tie that coordinated with her ensemble. We left the house about 5 minutes late and drove carefully through the snow out to the church building. As we approached the church building we were stunned:

Foreign Tongues

A friend of mine is an instructor in a Sunday-school class for young children. Several classes—one for each age from 6-year-olds to 9-year-olds—come together as a large group for her portion of the day. She not only sings with these kids, but she also teaches a small lesson between sets of songs.

One Sunday, she decided to do an object lesson on helping other people. She brought in some bread, peanut butter, and jelly and pretended to not know how to create a peanut butter and jelly sandwich; she asked the kids to instruct her on how to create one.